这个世界怎么了 我已经见着10个胖子了
What's wrong with the world? I've just counted ten fat people.
不对 算上你11个
No. Eleven.
-你就不能拎个袋子吗 -不能 我都说胳膊疼了
- Can YOU carry one of these bags? - No. I told you, my arm hurts.
50年来 每晚都要推开你
Pushing you away from me every night for 50 years
让我身体完全无法消受
has taken its toll on my body.
重力也让你吃不消
So has gravity.
而且 论拎东西 你比我更有天赋
Besides, you're so much cleverer at carrying things than I am.
我肯定会弄洒一地
I shall probably muck it all up.
为什么你不想做的事 总推说我擅长呢
Why am I always better at the things that you don't want to do?
我可不是你的仆人 弗雷迪
I'm not your servant, Freddie.
-斯图尔特 我绝不会把你当做我的仆人 -那敢情好
- Stuart, I would never think of you as my servant. - Good.
我只把你当做我的管家
I think of you as my housekeeper.
这个职位更重要也更崇高
It's a more important contribution.
那你又出了什么力
What exactly is it that YOU contribute?
你都好几个月没有接到角色了
You haven't had an acting job in months.
那是因为我的年纪有点尴尬
That's because I'm at an awkward age.
你这年纪都尴尬30年了
You have been at an awkward age for three decades.
要是我能再撑几年
If I can just stick it out a bit longer,
我就能驾驭一类全新的角色了
I'll segue into a whole new range of roles.
扮尸体吗
Corpses?
你想跟我们说什么啊 小维
So, what is it you need to talk to us about, Vi?
对的 小维 我们今天都听你的 畅所欲言 多久都可以
Yes, Vi, we're all yours. You take all the time you need.
-谢谢你 亲爱的 -你跟她说了
- Thank you, darling. - Did you
我们20分钟后还有预约吗
tell her we have an appointment in 20 minutes?
很好
Good.
然而我们并没有约 对吧
We don't really have an appointment, do we?
很好
Good.
是有关我丈夫贾斯珀的
It concerns my husband Jasper.
哦 对了 我总是忘记你都结婚了
Oh, that's right. I keep forgetting you're married.
显然 他也忘掉了
Well, apparently so does he.
你们瞧 蜜月之后我就再也没有见过他
You see, I haven't seen Jasper since we returned from our honeymoon.
他好像人间蒸发了
It seems he's disappeared.
可怜的维奥莱特
Oh, poor Violet.
-你有什么需要提就好了... -谢谢你 斯图尔特
- If there's anything you need... - Oh thank you, Stuart.
不行 别碰奶酪
No, don't touch the cheese.
那是摆着做样子的
It's just for show.
真对不起
Awfully sorry.
但是我不明白了 你之前为什么从没说过呢
But I don't understand. Why didn't you say anything BEFORE this?
我觉得这很丢人
I suppose I was ashamed.
或许我能说点宽慰你的话
Perhaps I can say something to make you feel better.
-你想听吗 -非常想听 亲爱的
- Would you like that? - Very much, darling.
你没什么好丢人的
You have nothing to be ashamed about,
昂首挺胸面向全世界就是了
so you hold your head up high.
就算别人会觉得你可怜 被拒绝
Even though people are going to see you as pathetic and rejected,
被抛弃 没人爱 注孤生
cast off, abandoned, unlovable.
我改主意了 我宁愿你别宽慰我
I've changed my mind, I'd rather you didn't make me feel better.
当然 你要是准备好了 就知会我一声
Of course. When you're ready, you just let me know.
-你好呀 艾什 -嗨
- Hello, Ash! - Hi!
-我可以跟艾什说吗 -还是我亲自来吧
- Can I tell Ash? - I think maybe I'D like to.
维奥莱特的丈夫甩了她
Violet's husband has left her.
真抱歉 维奥莱特
I'm sorry, Violet.
他不是甩了我 他只是
He didn't leave me, he just
暂时离开几周而已
seems to have stepped out for a few weeks.
他一定很快就会出现的 然后我们都会一笑而过
I'm sure he'll turn up soon and then we'll all laugh about it.
你继续这样自我安慰吧 亲爱的
You hold on to that thought, dear.
我这样冒失过来说我新交了女朋友 实在有点不好啊
Now I feel bad about coming round to talk about my new girlfriend.
确实不好
You should do!
当然不会 艾什 我真为你高兴
Of course not, Ash, I'm very happy for you.
-谢了 维奥莱特 -我只希望她能够...满足你
- Thanks, Violet. - I only hope she's able to... satisfy you,
因为如果她没法满足你的话...
because if she's not able to satisfy you...
她能 她能让我下不了床
She is! She totally is.
很好
Good.
具体怎么满足的
How, exactly?
斯图尔特 斟酒 杯子已经空了不少了
Stuart? Drinks. I see lots of empty glasses.
别拿我当仆人使唤 弗雷迪
Stop treating me like a servant, Freddie.
我都说了我讨厌这样
I told you, I don't like it!
但他还是会倒酒的
You'll notice he still gets the drinks.
我有个不错的点子
Oh, I have a fun idea.
不妨我们带你去吃晚餐吧 让你高兴点 维奥莱特
Why don't we all take you out to dinner, to cheer you up, Violet?
哦 我一直想去试试那家新开的寿司店
Oh, I've been dying to try that new sushi restaurant.
好啊 不妨也吃点猴脑吧 反正去都去了
Yes and why not eat monkeys' brains too, while we're at it?
别那么无知 弗雷迪
Oh, don't be so ignorant, Freddie.
我肯定那不全是...
I'm sure it's not all...
奇怪的 生的 恶心的 天知道是什么的食物
bizarre, uncooked, stinky God-knows-what.
-一起去吗 艾什 -抱歉 我和女朋友有约了
- Are you coming, Ash? - I can't, sorry, I've got plans with my girlfriend.
别再说你的女朋友了
Please stop talking about your girlfriend!
你没看到这个女人孤苦伶仃 担惊受怕 被人抛弃吗
Can't you see this woman is all alone, terrified and forgotten?
她老无所依
She's got nobody!
真不敢相信他这么麻木无情
Can you believe how insensitive he's being?
-话说谁来买♥♥单 -我们均摊 梅森
- Who's paying for this, anyway? - We all are, Mason.
这是为了宽慰维奥莱特
It's to make Violet feel better
因为她的丈夫对她做了这么糟糕的事
because her husband has been so awful to her.
那不应该是他来付钱吗
Then shouldn't HE be paying?
维奥莱特在哪 我们等到花儿都谢了
Where's Violet? We've been waiting ages.
-是啊 我等不了了 -为什么 你要去哪儿
- Yes, and I can't stay much longer. - Why? Where do you have to go?
-除了你们 我生活里还有别的事呢 -有个毛线
- I do have a life outside of all of you. - No, you don't.
请转告维奥莱特 我很抱歉没见到她
Please tell Violet I'm sorry I missed her.
你不能走
You can't go!
我们邀请你来
The only reason we invited you
就是为了你能帮我们分摊一下饭钱
is so that we'd have another person to split the bill with.
是啊 我现在搞懂了 而且这里好贵
Yes, I realise that now, and it's so expensive too.
我勒个去
Bugger!
每个人只能点一样 不要点酒水
Everybody order one thing. No drinks.
抱歉我来晚了 各位
I'm sorry I'm late, everyone.
我的天呐 维奥莱特 真没想到能在日本见到你
Oh, my goodness, Violet! Imagine seeing you here in Japan.
我们不在日本
We're not in Japan!
你也没错过什么 小维 只是错过梅森的可恶模样
You didn't miss anything, Vi, only Mason being an arsehole.
让我先喘口气
Let me just get settled.
-我现在特别惶恐 -看出来了
- I'm in a frightful state. - We see that.
和你的丈夫有关吗
Does it have anything to do with your husband?
算是吧
In a way.
我刚收到了我姐姐的邮件
I just got an email from my sister.
她要来看望我
She's coming to visit.
你从没说过你有个姐姐
You've never mentioned a sister.
好吧 我和莉莉安多年未见了
Well, Lillian and I haven't seen each other in years.
她嫁了个土豪 然后就搬走了
She married a wealthy man and moved away,
打那以后 她就一直看不起我
and since then she's always looked down on me.
我完全不知道为啥
I've no idea why.
大概因为你这辈子没什么成就吧
Perhaps because your life never amounted to much?
我要和你们坦白
I have something to tell you,
但我不想你们觉得我太鲁莽了
but I don't want you to think me uncouth.
你刚从包里拿出一瓶伏特加时怎么没想呢
You just pulled a bottle of vodka out of your bag!
现在说这个不觉得有点晚了吗
It's a little late for that, don't you think?
我骗了莉莉安
I lied to Lillian.
我当年结婚时 我骗她贾斯珀是个成功人士
When I got married, I told her Jasper was very successful
我们住在一间大公♥寓♥里 还有一堆仆人
and we lived in a grand flat with a staff of servants.
等她明天到了 就会知道全部真♥相♥
Now when she arrives tomorrow, she's going to learn the truth,
知道他离我而去 而我却...一无所有
that he left me and I've got... nothing.
要是我有办法能解决这一切呢
What if I had an idea that could solve everything?
这是不可能的
That's impossible.
唯一解决办法就是精心设计一个骗局
The only way you could solve this is with some elaborate deception
我们其中一人假装是小维的丈夫
where one of us pretends to be Vi's husband
其他人则假扮是家里的仆人
and the rest of us pose as the household staff.
当然这只能在我们的公♥寓♥ 她的就是个蜗居
And of course we'd have to do it in our flat. Her's is a hellhole.
我就是这么想的
THAT was my idea.
好吧 这应该能行
Well, that could work.
我今晚真的很开心 尽管认识不久
I had a great time tonight, and even though it hasn't been long,
但我觉得自己已经很了解你了 杰西卡
I feel like I know you really well, Jessica.
我不叫杰西卡 是杰西
My name's not Jessica. It's Jess.
-我以为是杰西卡的昵称 -不是
- Oh, I thought it was short for Jessica. - It's not.