Friends Episode 1 Season 1:The one where Monica gets a new roommate.
Monica: There's nothing to tell. It's just some guy I work with.
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy. There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right, Joey. Be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? 'Cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl, oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. Relax. This is not even a date. It's not. It's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down and I realize there is a phone...there.
Joey: Instead of. Chandler: That's right!
Joey: Never had that dream.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
Chandler: Now I don't know what to do? Everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: They weren't looking at you before?
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it.
Chandler: And it turns out it's my mother. Which is very, very weird because she never calls me.
Joey: This guy says "Hello"，I wanna kill myself.
Monica: You okay? Sweetie!
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck.
Monica: Carol moved her stuff out today.
Monica: Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: No, Oh! No don't! Stop cleansing my aura. Just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe：Fine, be murky.
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be happy.
Monica: No, you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: You never knew she was a lesbian?
Ross: No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
Ross: She didn't know. How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told Mom and Dad last night. They seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh, really? So that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3:00 A.M. , "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
注释:hysterical：歇斯底里的。 噢，真的吗？那我凌晨三点接到一个歇斯底里的女人打来的电话，她在电话中抽泣说“我不会有孙子了，我不会有孙子了 ” 那是怎么回事？打错电话啦？
Joey: Alright Ross, look, you're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting.
Joey: Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints!
注释:Strip joints：脱♥衣舞俱乐部。 我能告诉你答案是什么吗？脱♥衣舞俱乐部！
Joey: C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones.
Ross: See，but I don't want to be single, okay?
Ross: I just...I just，I just want to be married again.
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
Rachel: Oh, God, Monica hi! Thank God!
Rachel: I just went to your building, and you weren't there, and this guy with a big hammer said that you might be here, and you are you are.
Waitress：Can I get you some coffee?
注释:Decaf: 无咖啡♥因的咖啡。 无咖啡♥因的。
Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
Monica: This is everybody. This is Chandler and Phoebe and Joey. And, you remember my brother, Ross?
Monica: So You wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God...Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.
Rachel: I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat.
Rachel: This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. When all of a sudden I realized...Sweet 'n' Lo?
注释:Limoges gravy boat: Limoges 里摩日，一种法国名牌餐具。Gravy boat：船型酱汁杯。 注释:Sweet'n'Lo：sweet and low的简称，既甜又低热量，低脂糖。 那是个非常好看的船型酱汁杯。当时，突然，我意识到......低脂糖？
Rachel: I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry!
Rachel: And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: How much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but.
Rachel: Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering, "Why am I doing this, " and "Who am I doing this for?"
Rachel: So anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
注释:pipe organ：管风琴。 现在我猜他给她买了个大管风琴，而她很不喜欢。
Chandler: Tuna or egg salad! Decide!
Ross：I'll have whatever Christina's having.
Rachel: Daddy, I just I can't marry him. I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: "If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. "
Chandler: Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
All: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'.
Rachel: And today I just stopped and I said, What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I want to be a，a purse? Y'know? Or a，or a hat!
Rachel: No, I don't want you to buy me a hat! I'm saying I am a ha...It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look, Daddy, it's my life. Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established she's staying here with Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait! I said maybe!
Monica: Just breathe, breathe...that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things.
Phoebe: Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens. Doorbells and sleigh bells. And something with mittens La la la something. And noodles with string...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: I helped.
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know?
Monica: Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
Joey: Me and Chandler live right across the hall. And He's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, Stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day.
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
Chandler: I got it. Please don't do that again. It's a horrible sound.
Paul：Uh, It's, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh, God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in.
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul, the wine guy? Paul?
Joey: Wait a minute. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out? Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel....
Rachel: Ooh God, Please, no, go, I'll be fine!
Monica: Ooh, Ross, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?